Cloaked in Darkness
by theyaremagicallydelicious
Summary: MWPP - 7th year - RS - As the terror brought upon by Lord Voldemort and his followers reaches a chaotic level, Remus Lupin and his friends must learn to deal with their own tragedies. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black just might find love along the way. SLASH
1. Dark Times

            AN: I'm going to try and update at least once a week. Thanks for checking this story out and please review!

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 1: Dark Times

            Remus Lupin did not enjoy the drive to King's Cross as much as he usually did. Normally, his father would talk enthusiastically about cars and no matter what sorts of transportation wizards relied on, nothing was better than zooming down country roads with the autumn breeze whipping your hair. His mother would smile and remind his father that wizarding transportation was far more practical. Then they would laugh. It was a tradition for his Muggle father to ramble on about cars and just as likely that his witch mother would blather on about Floo powder and Apparition taking mere seconds. 

            Today, however, the atmosphere in the car was tense. His father, who Remus assumed had never quite forgiven the wizarding world for introducing him to werewolves, had been quite nervous in allowing his only son go back to a school where the main enemy of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was headmaster. Remus's mother had reasoned with him, and his father had finally accepted the fact that Remus had to go back to school. Nevertheless, it was still quite a sore topic, and none of them were feeling quite lighthearted enough to bring up conversations about cars. 

            When they arrived, Remus felt relieved. He wanted, more than anything, to be back with his friends. James, Peter and Sirius were just as much his family as his mother and father were. He had never been able to convey in words the magnitude of what had done for him, in becoming Animagi, but he did know that the couple months without them there during his transformations had been hell. 

            Remus and his parents walked through the barrier to get to Platform 9 ¾ and Remus said hurried goodbyes. Just as he was turning to try and find Sirius and the others, his father grabbed his shoulder and made him turn back. 

            "Be careful, please. I don't think I could stand for anything to happen to you…like what happened to those other kids in your school…" Remus winced as his father trailed off. Two Muggle-born children, along with their parents, had been murdered by Death Eaters last year. Just one sad tale in a school that was now full of them. 

            "I'll be careful, Dad, I promise," he said, feeling a bit exasperated. He _knew he had to be careful. _

            His father lowered his voice. "And do everything Dumbledore tells you to. You don't need to go creating more risks for yourself-"

            "Okay!" Remus said loudly. This time he felt a bit guilty. What would his father say if he knew the antics that he and his friends got up to every month? "I'm going now."

            "Goodbye, Remus. Take care," his mother said. His father nodded in agreement and waved. Remus turned away just in time to see a small pudgy boy disappearing into the train. 

            "Peter! Hey! Wormtail!" Peter came back through the door he had just gone through, wringing his hands anxiously. 

            "Hey Remus," he said, smiling. "Have you seen James or Sirius?" 

            Remus shook his head. "Could you help me with my trunk?" Together they managed to shove the trunk in a compartment, and began looking for their other two friends. Sirius and James arrived a few minutes later, laughing together as usual.

            "Hey, you two," Remus said, and he couldn't help grinning at the sight of his two happy friends, "What's so funny?"

            "I was just telling James here how he's going to have to find a new partner for wreaking havoc with because I am moving out of his house at the end of the school year," Sirius said. 

            "How are you going to pay for a place?" Remus asked. 

            "Oh didn't you see him over the summer?" James asked. "He was doing shows in the park .Sirius was the one on all fours catching Frisbees for Knuts."

            Remus laughed and Sirius tried to look indignant. "I'll get a job right out of Hogwarts and have my own place by August."

            "Well feel free to stick around as long as you like, Padfoot," James said affectionately. "I have to go talk to the new Prefects. I'll see you later. Behave yourselves." He winked as he left the compartment. Sirius laughed. 

            The ride to Hogwarts was rather uneventful. James returned sometime later, and he and Sirius had a contest to see who could eat the most Chocolate Frogs. Peter watched them, cheering each on as they shoved the frogs down their throats. Remus had taken out a book and was switching between reading and staring bemusedly at Sirius and James. 

            When they arrived at the castle, they sat at the Gryffindor table, James attempting to entice Lily Evans into going to Hogsmeade with him for what seemed like the thousandth time. 

            "Come on, Evans…just give me a chance. I can be rather charming, you know…" James said, practically pleading, but managing to sound laidback at the same time. 

            Lily rolled her eyes, but Remus thought that she had seemed much less annoyed with James last year than in previous years and she certainly didn't seem angry now. "James Potter…when will you give up?"

            "When you say yes," he said with what he clearly thought was a winning grin.

            She rolled her eyes again and this time did not bother to respond. Sirius was tugging on the sleeve of James' robes as he continued to focus his attentions on Lily. 

            "Hey mate, don't beg. Never beg…you look pathetic," Sirius said. 

            "I was not begging…I was making an inquiry," James said resolutely. 

            "If making an inquiry involves that pitiable whinging, I'm not sure I ever want to ask anyone anything ever again," Sirius replied. 

            Peter and Remus laughed and James scowled. 

            "You know, I really like her. Maybe you can concentrate your witty efforts more on finding yourself a girlfriend, Padfoot, and less on making fun of my attempts," James muttered. 

            Sirius's face turned a light pink, but he quickly recovered and raised his hands in mock innocence. "Hey Prongs, I was just kidding. I didn't mean anything by it."

            "I know," James said, and he appeared frustrated. "I just wish she would give me a chance."

            At that moment the first years came into the Great Hall, and Professor McGonagall brought out the Sorting Hat. Everyone in the hall stared at the old hat until it began to sing:

_A millennium ago_

_When I was just brand new_

_ Four wizards built this school_

_With ambitions to pursue_

_They wanted to teach students_

_They wanted unity_

_But Slytherin was angry_

_So their union was down to three_

_Gryffindor was noble_

_He wanted to teach the brave_

_Ravenclaw was witty_

_Intelligence, she craved_

_Hufflepuff took everyone_

_As long as they would work_

_Slytherin liked purebloods_

_And ambition was a perk_

_When Slytherin left the school_

_The houses became divided_

_The students could care less_

_And I feel they were misguided_

_There is one thing that division encourages_

_A rift within the school _

_And with Dark times upon us_

_This division is a tool_

_We quickly learn to fear_

_We promptly learn to hate_

_These feelings, they rage on_

_And they never dissipate_

_So now I beg you_

_And I plead_

_Join together _

_And we shall succeed_

_Continue to alienate_

_Continue to be divided_

_And Hogwarts will be destroyed_

_By those who live inside it_

_Heed this warning now_

_And there will be no expense_

_Now I shall do what I fear is wrong_

_Let the Sorting now commence_

            Remus clapped along with the other students, feeling that the Sorting Hat could not have spoken more ominous words. He hadn't expected it to touch upon the Dark times. He looked to the faces of the Ravenclaws, to which the two murdered students had belonged. Their faces were somber. 

            Dumbledore stood up and said, "Let the feast begin." 

            Food appeared on the table. Everyone dug in and James seemed to be out of his previous bad mood. 

            "The team looks good this year," he was saying to Sirius. "We got Frollini as Keeper, she's really good. And Moore, Kraft, and Macmillan are excellent Chasers. Hughes is a decent Beater and we still have one Beater position left, but I'm sure we can find somebody decent…" 

            Sirius was nodding along and stuffing chicken into his mouth. He was the announcer for the Gryffindor team and liked to listen to James prattle on about the team. Remus enjoyed watching Quidditch, but he was no player himself. Still, he couldn't help but be excited, with the intensity that James devoted to the topic, anyone would be. 

            The chatter around the table dissipated as everyone ate, and after the meal, Dumbledore stood up to address the students. 

            "As always, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden to all students. No one under third year is allowed to go into the village of Hogsmeade, and Mr. Filch would like me to remind you that there is no magic to be used in the corridors," Dumbledore said. 

            Remus watched James and Sirius sneak looks at Severus Snape over at the Slytherin table when Dumbledore gave the notice of no magic in the corridors. Not for the first time, Remus wished his friends weren't so obsessed with hexing 'Snivellus' as they liked to call him. It always put Remus in a somewhat awkward position as a Prefect. Hopefully, now that James was Headboy, they would cut that stuff out. 

            "On a more personal note," Dumbledore continued. "I would like to offer my sympathies to those of you who have lost friends and family during these Dark times. And if anyone has any problems or wishes simply to talk, you may always come to me."

            Dumbledore sat down, and everyone began to exit the hall and make their way towards their common rooms. When they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, James gave the password ("Acid pop!") and the Gryffindor boys trudged up the staircase and into their dormitory. 

            "When's the next full moon?" Sirius asked Remus as they got ready for bed. 

            "Two weeks," Remus muttered, not quite sure what to think that Sirius seemed to look forward to the transformations. He decided that it was a good thing. Sirius had fun romping around with him and James and Peter. 

            "How were your transformations over the summer?" Sirius whispered as they lay down. Remus could already hear Peter's muffled snores. He assumed the other two boys had fallen asleep. 

            "Okay," Remus said a bit untruthfully. "I missed Padfoot," he admitted. 

            Remus looked at the bed to his right. He could barely make out the outline of Sirius's face in the dark. Their eyes met for a moment, and Remus felt an odd shiver travel up his body. He pulled his blanket closer as Sirius looked away. It was rather cold in the dormitory. 

AN: Was it good? Did it suck? Please review!

  
  



	2. Strength Comes In Many Forms

AN: Thanks to the people who reviewed the first chapter! I love you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

**Chapter 2: Strength Comes In Many Forms**

            The first day of classes did not hold much excitement for Remus. He had Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, and Charms. It seemed as if the teachers did not believe much in easing into things. They began working right away. 

            Remus's thoughts kept traveling back to what he had told Sirius last night. He had told him that he'd missed Padfoot during his summer transformations. This was true, but Remus felt it a bit too revealing. After all, he had not missed Prongs or Wormtail, and they were always present during full moons as well. 

            What did that mean; that he had only missed Padfoot? Remus had always felt that his connection with Padfoot ran much deeper than anything he had with Prongs or Wormtail, though he could not explain why.

            He wondered if Sirius found it odd that he had not mentioned missing James or Peter and decided that he didn't. After all, it had been Sirius he was talking to. 

            When dinner came that evening, Remus was relieved. It was always exhausting to begin a new school year, especially one that started not too long after a transformation. 

            As he helped himself to pork chops, Sirius, James, and Peter seated themselves around him. 

            "Hey Moony," James said cheerfully. "Up to planning this month's adventure?"

            Remus nodded and tried to appear as though nothing was troubling him. "Sure." 

            "Anyone have anything good?" James asked them. 

            Peter was as usual silent, and Sirius was, as usual, not. "I was thinking we could go deeper into the Forbidden Forest then we have before," he said excitedly. "Not many wizards have been in there. I'm sure there's some cool stuff to discover." 

            James considered this for a moment. "Could be good…we'll do that unless someone comes up with something better before the 15th."

            Remus was never really the one to come up with the jokes or the plans. He left that to Sirius and James. He had fun during their late night romps, but the fear of the dark creature inside of him was still evident in the back of his mind. 

            They ate the rest of their meal in silence, with the occasional Quidditch comment from James. Remus was too occupied with his thoughts to try and make conversation today. It seemed the others, too, were thinking of other things. He knew, James, at least, would be dwelling on Lily. He always did. 

            During the next week, Remus tried to keep his mind off of Sirius. It seemed that whenever his friend drifted into his thoughts, he was accompanied by visions of lonely full moon nights without Padfoot, and the two boys' eyes meeting in the darkness. Remus was sure neither of these things was impacting his friend as much as they were him, and hoped he could forget about it with the approaching full moon and burden of school work. 

            Six days before the full moon, however, thoughts of Sirius had left his mind altogether, but not for the reason he would have liked.

            Remus received the _Daily Prophet _each morning in the Great Hall. He enjoyed reading it on a normal basis, and felt that he had some obligation to keep up with the morbid news that had been circulating lately. 

            Today the headline was worse then it had been since last year when that family had been killed. The front page of the Prophet was titled, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and Followers Responsible For Savage Muggle Killings"

            Remus gave a sigh. The killings were becoming more frequent. Eleven Muggles had been killed, all in the same neighborhood.  The Death Eaters had supposedly murdered them for 'fun.' Among the deceased were three women, and four children. Remus cursed under his breath and passed the paper to James. 

            James' reaction was similar to his and soon all four friends had read the article and were feeling a bit depressed. 

            Remus glanced at the Ravenclaw table. Their faces were somber and some had faraway looks on their faces. No doubt they were reliving the day they had returned from Christmas break last year to find that not all of them would be returning. 

            Remus felt a surge of hatred in his heart for people like Voldemort, all who supported him, and times like these. When things were constantly dark, it kept you from ever getting over your pain. The wounds stayed fresh. Remus felt sorry again, for the Ravenclaws. Every time news of another dark deed arose, they were forced to reopen their own scars.

            But then, almost everyone had a story to tell. Remus considered himself rather lucky that he did not have any sorrowful tales to spin. Peter, too, remained free from personal tragedy. 

            James and Sirius had already experienced it first hand. 

            James' grandparents had already been killed in fifth year, when the threat of Voldemort was still relatively new. James' rarely mentioned them now, but before their deaths he had often spoken of them, happy memories of visiting their farmhouse as a boy. He looked at James. The boy was staring down at his toast, but didn't really seem to be looking at it. The pain in his face was almost tangible. Remus thought, that if he wanted to, he could almost reach out and touch it.

            Sirius also had a story that made Remus sick with rage and sadness. Sirius had never been truly loved before he came to Hogwarts. His parents were dark and sick and twisted and everything that Sirius was against. Their dark ways had forced him, at age 16, to leave his home. Remus admired Sirius more than any other person. He was so strong, and rarely did he let his pain show through, though it must have been there. 

            Sirius was always trying to be strong for other people. When would he get a chance to talk to someone about his pain, to let someone be strong for him? It didn't seem healthy to keep smiling and acting as though nothing had happened to him. Remus hoped that Sirius talked to James about it, but somehow he didn't believe that was true. 

            Remus wondered if by the end of this war, he would remain untouched, whether _anyone would remain untouched. It seemed impossible. _

            The day was a sullen one. The teachers, who had heard of the killings as well, seemed preoccupied and distressed. Remus knew, they too, must have lost something in this war. 

            Everyone had. 

            And Remus realized with a jolt, that he had lost something too. He had lost carefree times with his best friends. He had lost James' constant smile. He had lost Sirius's genuine happiness. 

            Two of Remus's best friends had lost a piece of their sanity, and Remus was affected by it everyday. He hoped nothing ever happen to Peter. There was enough tragedy in their circle as it was. 

            That night, Remus and Sirius went up to bed early, as James and Peter stayed downstairs to have a game of Exploding Snap. When they reached the dormitory, Remus remembered his thoughts earlier in the day about Sirius and how Remus had never seen him share his pain.

            "Are you feeling okay?" Remus asked suddenly. 

            Sirius looked at him thoughtfully. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?" 

            Remus rolled his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought. "It's just…when something happens like today, I know you-you probably think about your family."

            There was a pause and then Sirius spoke. "I'm fine." 

            "You can talk to me," Remus said. "You don't have to pretend like nothing bothers you." 

            "It doesn't bother me," Sirius said matter-of-factly. 

            "God damnit, Sirius!" Remus shouted. "Why do you think you always have to be strong, for me, for James, for Peter? When will someone get to be strong for you?" Remus didn't know why he was shouting. He just knew that Sirius needed to talk to someone, and if he had to be the person to yell at him to get him to speak then so be it. "You can't keep things bottled up all the time like you do," Remus said softly. "It's just not good. Talk to me…please." 

            Sirius stared at him for a long moment and then took a step closer to where Remus was standing. "Who are you to tell me to talk, to open up, to moan about everything that's wrong with the world?" he challenged. His tone was harsh. 

            "I'm one of your best friends! That's who I am!" Remus yelled. 

            "Does that give you the right to tell me what to do?" Sirius said. 

            Remus paused and when he spoke he knew Sirius could barely hear him. "It gives me the right to care about you." 

            Sirius's aggressive face seemed to soften slightly. "Yeah well, don't worry about me."

            "That's just it! I do worry about you," Remus shouted, stepping closer to Sirius. 

            Sirius, who had been staring at his hands, looked up. His dark eyes were cold. "I don't need anyone to look after me." 

            They were so close now that Remus could feel the other boy's ragged, angered breathing on his face. Remus swallowed and then whispered. "It's a bit too late for me to stop caring about you Sirius. I just worry that you feel you have to act like the strong one…and you never get to talk about what's bothering _you. _

            Sirius attempted a grin and failed. "I'm just not a big 'talk-about-your-feelings' kinda bloke. Why don't you harass James?" 

            "James talks. He tells us what's bothering him," Remus stated. "You usually do too, but when it comes to your family-"

            "Did it ever occur to you," Sirius interrupted, eyes flashing with anger, "that maybe I don't feel the need to talk? Did you ever think that maybe it hurts more when you say it out loud? My family does bother me, but the more I talk about it, the more it hurts that I came from a line of dark wizards. Do you think I'm proud of that family?"

            Remus hesitated before speaking. "You know when you and James and Peter first figured out what I was, I…I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. But when all of you wouldn't stop questioning me, I answered and afterwards it felt better. I was glad I shared my pain with you. It's so much easier to bear a burden of someone else is helping you along the way." 

            Sirius's anger seemed to ebb away. He didn't say anything, just got into his pajamas, and laid down in his four-poster. Remus did the same. 

            He had just closed his eyes when Sirius began to speak. 

            "My mother never liked me. Even when my brother and I were little she could sense…something. She said there was always something different about me. I didn't know what she was talking about at the time, but as I got older, I realized," he said softly. 

            Remus said nothing and continued to listen. "Every time I see these attacks…I-I wonder if my parents or my brother haven't gone to the Death Eaters. I mean, they weren't part of that crew when I left, but maybe that would explain why Regulus left school. And Bellatrix too," he added. 

            Remus thought that very possible. Sirius's brother Regulus had always believed in the pureblood prejudices that his parents raised him with. He had been Sorted into Slytherin and just about to start his sixth year, but had not returned this year. Sirius's cousin Bellatrix had much the same story. Remus had thought that the disappearance of the two was linked with Voldemort's current uprising, but had never voiced this opinion out loud. 

            Sirius trailed off and didn't seem to want to talk anymore. Remus was satisfied that Sirius had at least admitted to some of his worries. As he was drifting off to sleep, Remus thought he heard someone whisper, "thank you." 

AN: Was it good? Did it suck? Please review!


	3. Troubling Memories and Unsettling Though...

AN: Thanks to those who reviewed! I appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. 

**Chapter 3: Troubling Memories and Unsettling Thoughts**

            On the day of his first transformation of the school year, Remus awoke earlier than usual. He dressed quickly and crept downstairs as quietly as he could. Every time he was close to becoming the wolf he thought about that day more than ten years ago when he first got the bite. It was a sort of ritual; a sad circle of what-ifs always accompanied the story. What if he hadn't been so stupid to wander outside? What if he had listened to what his father had said?

~*~*~

_            At six years old, Remus Lupin was a rather curious boy. He often asked his father and mother meaningless questions about how the sky became blue or why their cat, Hamlet, insisted on killing and eating mice when he had food in his dish. His parents had always patiently answered his questions. Still, nothing could quell his curiosity. _

_            It was a blustery fall day, when the incident occurred. Remus lived with his parents in the English countryside in a modest farmhouse with acres of land surrounding the house and a dense patch of forest to the right. Remus had never been allowed to venture into the woods alone. _

_            His father, who had said he had work to do in the garage, told Remus to stay in the house. Remus agreed and his father didn't give it another thought. After all, the boy rarely disobeyed his parents. _

_            As the evening turned darker and darker, and the full moon came out, illuminating the night sky, Remus began to hear noises. At first it was a distant echoing that he could not place, but as the sound came closer and closer, he could make out a faint howling noise. What sort of creature made that noise? _

_            Slowly, Remus had crept towards the door of their home and opened it a crack. He peered through the small space and glanced towards the right. The sounds were coming from the patch of forest. Remus continued to watch for what felt like a long time, listening to the noises, but seeing nothing. _

_            When the creature did not appear, Remus assumed it must have been too far off. He opened the door wider and stepped out onto the creaky porch. The howling had stopped, and had been replaced by a snarling. This sound was familiar. Hamlet often made the noise when he was irritated by Remus's prodding, though this snarling was certainly louder. _

_            Feeling less frightened, Remus descended down the three steps and sat on the bottom one, listening intently. The sounds seemed closer and closer every time he heard them. He stared into the forest and thought he saw movement._

_            A second later, a howl came that sounded very near, as if his mother were calling him from the next room. Remus stood up and walked a few steps towards the forest, now unsure if he was completely safe. _

_            He stayed there for a moment, staring into the trees and dense shrubbery, wondering if the creature was just beyond the first tree._

_            Remus had just turned around, now feeling anxious and ready to go back to the house when a vicious howl sounded behind him. His legs were frozen. He could not move. With shaking knees, he turned around and was face to face with the long snout, pointed ears, and drooling yellow teeth of a werewolf._

_            Remus felt something warm on his leg. He had certainly wet himself. His throat was constricting and he found himself unable to scream as the wolf gave a tremendous leap and knocked him onto his back._

_            Even his terror could not keep the wails of pain back as the wolf sunk its teeth into his flesh. The last thing he saw was the blood soaking through his torn shirt, and then everything went black._

_~*~*~_

            Remus gave an involuntary shudder. He lived through that memory every transformation. He wondered, if perhaps one day, he would forget about the day he had been bitten. 

            He knew it was a hopeless dream. 

            Not for the first time, Remus wondered how it would feel to bite someone else, to wake up from his wolfish state and realize that he had inflicted the misery and horror onto someone else. He often felt guilty, that he so willingly flaunted the precautions that Dumbledore had set up for the safety and well-being of himself and his fellow students. But one look at James' animated grin or Sirius's eyes flashing with excitement and the guilty feelings would go away.

            They always did. 

            Remus glanced at his watch. The others would be up in a few minutes. He imagined what it would be like to go through his transformations without the others, without Prongs or Wormtail.

            Without Padfoot. 

            Remus smiled to himself. He was very lucky in a way. He had the misfortune of being bitten by a werewolf, but he had three great friends who had done the impossible. They had done it because they cared about him and wanted him to know that they didn't care what darkness he had inside of him.

            "Hey Moony," Remus looked up to the steps to see Sirius greeting him cheerfully. Sirius sat down beside him, rubbing his eyes and looking tired.

            "I stayed up late last night finishing that essay for McGonagall," he said with a sleepy sigh. "How are you feeling?" 

            "I'm doing just fine," Remus said. "Looking forward to tonight?" he asked. 

            Sirius grinned and began babbling excitedly. "I know we've been in the forest a bunch of times, but I really want to see how deep we can go in. We can't add it to the map, but it will still be neat to check it out. Maybe we could make another map of the Forbidden Forest-"

            Remus gave a chuckle. "One thing at a time, Padfoot," he said affectionately. "We have a tough enough time dealing with the map we're making now."

            James and Peter came down the staircase at that moment. "Are you ready to go to breakfast?" Peter asked them. "I'm starving." 

            Remus and Sirius nodded. The four headed down to breakfast, James and Sirius arguing playfully about the execution of the Porskoff Ploy as they went. 

            Remus and Peter stayed quiet during the exchange. Neither was that enthusiastic about Quidditch to join in their ramblings on the subject. 

            "What are we doing tonight?" Peter asked. "Forbidden Forest, or something else?"

            "The forest," Sirius said looking annoyed that someone would forget his brilliant suggestion. 

            "It's quite dangerous when you go far in, isn't it?" Peter said, unsuccessfully trying to hide the quaver in his voice. 

            Sirius rolled his eyes. "You'll have us with you, Wormtail." 

            Peter did not miss his irritated tone of voice. "Sorry if I'm a bit more worried than the rest of you, but I _am_ a rat. I don't have fangs or antlers, you know." 

            Sirius laughed. "S'pose you're right."

            After breakfast, Remus went through his classes in a daze. He never seemed to be able to pay attention on transformation days. He was either apprehensive about the change, or excited for the night's excursion. Most of the time, both applied. Today was one of those days.

            He didn't think that he would ever completely lose his fear of the transformations. Every time seemed like the first time. Every sensation felt new and terrifying. 

            At dinner, his friends attempted to make light conversation and it helped. It was easier not to think about the creature he would become in mere hours. Instead, they talked about Quidditch and school. James brought up a subject that made Remus forget about the wolf altogether. 

            "You know, you three always make fun of me about liking Lily. Who do you like?" he asked innocently. 

            Remus let the question sink in for a second before thinking. Not one girl had ever seemed to catch his eye. None of them were passionate, and smart and funny…certainly none of them would even talk to him if they knew what he was. 

            He was about to point this out when Sirius spoke. "I don't like anyone," he said. 

            "What do you mean?" James asked. "There has to be one girl who you thought about more than you should have." 

            Remus thought this over. Was there any girl that he seemed to dwell on? A female that invaded his thoughts even when he didn't want her to? The answer to that was easy enough. 

            But then, Remus thought of something that was certainly…unsettling. _There is someone who you think about more than you should. A picture of Sirius, grinning and running a hand through his elegant dark hair, bubbled up in his mind. Remus shook his head, as if doing this would get rid of the troubling thoughts. _

            "No, sorry Prongs," Sirius said. "I'm not like you. I'm not devoted to anyone." 

            Remus looked at him and for a second their eyes locked. "What about you, Moony?" James said. 

            "I doubt any girl would want anything to do with me after she found out what I am," he said simply. 

            James made no reply to this and seemed sorry he had broached the subject. They spent the rest of the meal in silence.

            Remus worked not to catch Sirius's eye. 

AN: Please review!


	4. Changing Once More

            AN: Thanks to those who reviewed! I appreciate it very much. You don't know how much it means to me when people take time to review my fics. I would be happy to do the same for you (as long as it's not Snape/Buckbeak, or something). So drop a line in a review, tell me about your fic and I'll check it out!

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

**Chapter 4: Changing Once More**

            Remus walked sullenly over the muddy grounds with Madam Pomfrey by his side. In about twenty minutes, he would become the monstrous creature he had learned to fear at an early age. He shivered in the damp night. 

            "Now dear," Madam Pomfrey said reassuringly, "you've done this enough to know everything I'm about to tell you, but I feel like I should say it every time. Stay in the Shack and I will come get you in the morning. Please be careful." She smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder. 

            Remus was always grateful for Madam Pomfrey. She treated him like a sick student…not a werewolf. She grabbed a stick from the ground surrounding the Whomping Willow and pressed the knot that made the tree go still. 

            "I'll see you in the morning, young man," Madam Pomfrey said quietly. She watched as Remus slid into the opening of the tree and then turned and walked back to the castle. 

            Remus walked down the long tunnel that led to the Shrieking Shack, feeling more apprehensive with every step he took. He knew he was being stupid, knew that he went through this every month, but nothing could stop the fear that squirmed in the pit of his stomach. 

            When he reached the end of the passage, Remus lay on the dusty four-poster bed that Dumbledore had put in the room for his use. Sometimes, he would sit on the bed and close his eyes, hoping he would fall asleep before the changes came. 

            He never did. 

            Remus thought back to the old transformations, before his friends could change into animals at will. He could not remember anything about them except pain. He would rip at his own flesh and tear the room apart. The next day, he would be covered in wounds and bruises inflicted on himself. 

            Now, with the presence of his friends, he was able to remain conscious during the transformations. The wolf didn't gain control anymore. He also injured himself much less, though he did get hurt, on occasion, when wrestling with Padfoot. 

            Remus smiled to himself. These days were certainly much better than the past. 

            Suddenly, Remus felt an odd itching sensation all around his body. He closed his eyes, knowing that the pain was seconds away. 

            Shaggy fur began to spread all over his body as the itching became so intense that Remus let out a moan of frustration. He couldn't keep himself from screaming as his bones shifted to the quadruped structure of the wolf. _Think of James and Peter, Remus tried to tell himself. __Don't think of the pain._

            _Think of Sirius. _

            As fangs sprouted and his ears became more wolf-like, distractions could no longer keep his mind off of what was happening. His face began melding into the long snout shape of the beast. Remus gasped. 

            He had almost forgotten the intensity of it all, the agony of turning into the wolf.

            Almost. 

            As the last few changes were made to his body, Remus fought to remember what his name was. The transformation stopped almost as soon as it had begun. The wolf was breathing in loud rasping breaths. Then he began to smell friends coming his way. The stag appeared, followed by the big black dog, and the rat in the rear. 

            _My name is Remus Lupin, he thought. _

            Padfoot let out a joyful bark at being reunited with Moony once again. The wolf was pleased to see his friend. Remus was too. 

            Moony and Padfoot ran ahead of the others, running down the tunnel that would lead them onto the grounds. When they reached the opening, they leapt up and sprinted towards the Forbidden Forest. 

            Padfoot jumped onto Moony and swiped playfully at him. Moony responded and soon the two were locked in a canine wrestling match. They waited until Prongs and Wormtail joined them, and then continued walking deeper into the forest than they ever had before. 

            Remus never felt frightened when he was in the body of the wolf. It always seemed to project a confidence onto him that he didn't have when he was in human form. It didn't frighten him to go into the heart of the Forbidden Forest. 

            Prongs was leading the way down a dreary forest path. Padfoot and Moony trotted side-by-side as Wormtail hovered near them. They walked for a long time, how long Remus did not know, but he guessed it must have been almost an hour. 

            As they went deeper and deeper into the forest, the trees became denser, the forest closing in around them. They had never been this deep. Remus wondered if perhaps they should turn back. There didn't seem to be anything worth seeing, here. 

            Almost as soon as he thought it, they came to a trampled path that looked as though something large had traveled along it. Prongs stopped and looked back at them as if to ask if they should continue. Padfoot bounded forward; always eager for adventure. 

            They followed the path for a few minutes, until they came to a wide space with a hollow located near the edge. But that wasn't what made Remus's wolf eyes go wide. 

            Spiders. Thousands and thousands of spiders of all sizes. Some were as little as paperclips, other the size of a Quaffle and others even bigger. The four of them had stopped, staring disbelievingly at the creatures. 

            Prongs had just turned around and gave a shake of his head as if to tell them to turn back when they heard a voice. "Who is it?" 

            The old croaking voice reminded Remus of a frog. It came from the hollow. Remus had a feeling he didn't want to know what it was. There was the sound of something large moving within the hollow. Remus wanted to run, but his wolf paws seemed glued to the ground. He felt the wolf's anger rising and his fur bristling as the threat loomed closer. 

            He sniffed the air, but all he could smell was spider. And then, whatever it was, reached the entrance to the hollow. Remus could not make out what it was, but he saw eyes. 

            _Several pairs of glittering eyes. _

            "You are not Hagrid," the creature said and finally stepped out of its lair. Remus would have gasped, had he been in human form.

            It was a spider. No, not a spider…an Acromantula. It _had_ to be. Spiders did not get that big. It was ten times bigger than the largest spider they had seen so far. Even the wolf lost some of its confidence as the creature came forward. 

            "I sense you are not true animals," the spider said. "We are in need of a good meal. My family has grown quite large…" 

            Prongs looked back at all them with a panicked expression that he somehow managed to convey through the stag's features and began to back away. Remus did the same, but was horrified to find that there was a wall of spiders behind him. The spiders began closing in.

            Padfoot, who was never one to surrender, or even wait for a plan to form, charged through the hoard of spiders. He broke through and the other three followed, running as fast as their animal form could. 

            It didn't take long for Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs to realize that Wormtail could not keep up with their pace. Padfoot ran back to where the rat was scurrying madly trying to catch up with the other three. The spiders were closing in on Wormtail. Moony watched, knowing the creatures could make short work of a rat. Padfoot _had_ to rescue him. 

            Padfoot was all out sprinting now and finally reached the patch of woods where Wormtail was trapped. He ran through another crowd of spiders and scooped up Wormtail in his jaws, making sure to keep the smaller animal from being punctured by his razor-sharp teeth. 

            After Padfoot caught up with them, Prongs and Moony ran at top speed, knowing the spiders were following and not daring to look back. They finally reached the outskirts of the forest, where the trees were not quite as thick, and they stopped to take a breather. Padfoot spit Wormtail out of his mouth. 

            Peter's rat form didn't looked please to be covered in the drool of a huge, black, mutt, but Remus knew that if Sirius had not gone back for him, he would probably be dead. It had been a close call.

            Too close. 

            Remus looked at the sky. The moon was going down. Soon he would be back to normal. His friends looked exhausted and they all walked lazily back to the entrance to the Shrieking Shack, none of them having the energy to romp and play as they usually did when heading back to the tree. 

            When they came to the entrance at the Whomping Willow, Wormtail hit the knot so Remus could return to the Shrieking Shack. Then his three friends each gave him a look, as if saying goodbye, and headed back to the castle.

            Remus watched them for a minute and was just about to head back into the tunnel when he heard huge paws scampering towards him. He looked up. Padfoot was bounding towards him, tongue lolling out, and grinning. 

            Remus felt his tail began to wag involuntarily and ran towards his friend. Prongs and Wormtail had already gone back to Hogwarts. Remus was happy they had, but he couldn't identify why.

            They brawled for a couple minutes, playfully, and then broke apart, both panting. Moony stared into the dark eyes of Padfoot, mesmerized by their depth. They were the same eyes Sirius possessed in his human form. 

            Padfoot stepped closer and Remus felt something rough touch his furry cheek. 

            It wasn't until Padfoot had made it safely back to the castle, and Moony back into the Shrieking Shack, that Remus realized Padfoot had licked him. 

AN: Please review!


	5. Love Advice

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed this story! 

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 5: Love Advice

            Remus woke up the next morning to someone poking him softly in the shoulder. He attempted to swat the hand away, but it persisted. He finally opened his eyes to see Madam Pomfrey staring down at him.

            "You're not in too bad of shape," she muttered while looking at his arms and legs. "Take off your shirt."

            He did as was requested and she checked for wounds. Remus had one small bruise that might have been from wrestling with Padfoot, and a rather large gash that he had made himself after his friends had left.

            He had only been alone for five minutes before changing back to human form, and yet he had still injured himself. Remus remembered when he was younger and that was all he did during his transformations. 

            "Okay, dear," Madam Pomfrey said with a smile. "Not too bad at all. We'll get you cleaned up when we get back to the castle." 

            Feeling weak and shaky as he always did after a full moon, Remus followed her through the tunnel and out of the Whomping Willow. When they reached the castle, they went directly to the Hospital Wing. Remus took the bed in the back as he always did. 

            While Madam Pomfrey went searching for a salve for the wound he had inflicted on himself. Remus looked around the Hospital Wing. It was a familiar place. 

            It suddenly, really struck him that it was his last year at Hogwarts. The days of romping around the castle in animal form and laughing with his friends would soon be over. And what then? 

            Remus didn't want to think about it. 

            Instead, he began to think of all of the memories this hospital bed held for him. He remembered his first transformation and how he had so badly wanted his parents the day after when he laid in this same bed. 

            He recalled the day that James, Sirius, and Peter had confronted him at the end of first year. Remus had told them that he was visiting his sick Auntie Mabel, and they had been suspicious of where he had been going for months. They had worked it out and were actuallywilling to be his friend even though he was a werewolf. 

            It still amazed him. 

            And he recollected with an angry lurch in his stomach and a hurt feeling in his heart, how he had laid on this bed last year when Sirius had told him that it was he who had told Severus Snape where to find Remus. 

            That had been a very hard thing to forgive. 

            Sirius's hotheadedness had always been a problem, but he had gone quite overboard then. Remus had found it difficult to be around him for a few months after the incident. They had eventually talked and Remus had decided he could not throw away years of friendship because of a mistake. 

            At that moment, Madam Pomfrey came in carrying a bowl of orange liquid. "It will burn slightly," she said as she took a handful of the goopy substance and smothered it on his chest. "This should clear up that cut in no time." 

            She left after a few minutes to get him a lunch tray and Remus was left alone with his thoughts. 

            Last night had been fun and exciting. Sirius would certainly be giddy over it, but Remus had been more than a little frightened when Peter had almost been attacked by spiders. What if he had been killed? 

            Remus knew his friends rarely thought of the risks they were taking, but Remus did. He tried to ignore them because they had so many fun adventures during the full moon, but every now and then a close call would make him doubt if what they were doing was worth it. 

            Remus shook his head. No one had been hurt last night. Everything was fine. They had gone for a little romp in the forest, met up with a giant spider, and then his friends had gone back to the castle. 

            No…wait, that wasn't true. Prongs and Wormtail had gone back to the castle and Padfoot had come back. 

            Padfoot had licked him. 

            Remus had not remembered this tiny detail until that very moment. It wasn't quite unusual. He often forgot certain parts of their adventures before as he was constantly fighting the wolf inside of him. 

            But to forget something as wonderful as-

            _No, it meant nothing, he told himself harshly. Sirius probably hadn't even meant to do it. It was probably just dog instincts or something. _

            _Why do I even care? He asked himself. __Sirius is just a friend. _

            But the argument inside his head wasn't very convincing. He had slowly begun to realize that Sirius meant more to him than just a friend, and the denial was no longer very strong. 

            Madam Pomfrey came to his bed, interrupting his thoughts, and handed him a tray with a sandwich and pumpkin juice. Remus didn't feel very hungry. He was actually feeling very sick to his stomach.

            He _liked Sirius._

            What could he do? He couldn't tell anyone. The feelings were so strong, but Remus knew he had to suppress them. If Sirius found out…he would surely want nothing to do with Remus ever again. He couldn't let that happen. 

            "Swallow your emotions," he whispered quietly as he picked at his sandwich. 

            "What was that, Moony?" Remus started. James was grinning at him. "I didn't scare you, did I?" 

            Remus smiled. "No, of course not." James laughed. "Where's Sirius? And Peter?" 

            "They have Divination right now," James said. "I'm glad I dropped that after fifth year. It's useless." 

            Remus snickered. "Just because Professor Atter always predicted that you'd have trouble with females-"

            "Sod off!" James shouted, but Remus could tell he was trying not to laugh. 

            "-so I can see why you would find it useless," Remus said through his snickers. 

            When their laughter subsided, James, looking a bit downtrodden spoke. "Do you think Lily will ever go out with me?"

            Remus hesitated. He didn't think he was the right person to be giving out romantic advice, especially not with his current problems. "I think she might if you give her a reason too." 

            "What do you mean?" James asked, looking confused. "I have plenty to offer." 

            "Maybe you don't have the things she's looking for," Remus replied, feeling more and more uncomfortable as the conversation went on. 

            "Like what?" James said. 

            Remus paused, hoping his friend wouldn't get offended at what he was about to say. "It's just…you…and Sirius can sometimes be a bit…conceited." 

            "Conceited?" James asked, looking shocked. "I'm not…" he trailed off; apparently no intelligent argument was coming to him. 

            Look," Remus began, "Lily has always gotten mad at you for the same thing, and that's hexing people and acting like your better than everyone else. So maybe if you just tone it down a bit, she'll give you a chance and realize you're a pretty decent bloke." 

            At first, James looked indignant. He seemed to get over it after a few seconds though and his irritated expression was replaced by one of determination. "Maybe I will tone it down," he muttered. 

            After that he said a hurried goodbye and left Remus to his musings. Remus had never seen one person so fixed on a girl before. James had liked Lily since fifth year, but she seemed to find him arrogant. 

            Not that Remus could blame her. 

            James was conceited at times, especially when it came to Quidditch, but Remus hoped that Lily would go out with him. The poor bloke had put in his time. He deserved one chance. 

            "Hey Moony," said someone. 

            Peter and Sirius had just walked beside his bed, Peter leading the way while Sirius was unusually quiet.  _I deserve a chance too, Remus thought. He shook his head, trying to rid his brain of the thoughts._

            "How are you feeling?" Peter asked. 

            Remus shrugged. "Not bad." Again Sirius was silent. "What's wrong, Padfoot?"

            Sirius looked up. His cheeks were turning pink. "Nothing," he muttered. "Just tired."

            Remus nodded. They chatted for a few moments, Sirius still not saying anything. 

            "Well," Peter said, "I'm starving. We're going to get some dinner. Do you need anything?" 

            Remus shook his head. "No, I already ate and have most of my work." 

            "Alright then," he said. "See you tomorrow." 

            Remus watched them walking away, hoping he would be able to return to his dormitory tomorrow. He didn't like staying in the Hospital Wing very long, and sometimes when his injuries weren't bad and he could convince Madam Pomfrey he was feeling quite strong, she would let him go after only a couple days. 

            Remus's thoughts quickly traveled back to Sirius. Why had he been so quiet? What was going through his mind? Perhaps he _had_ just been tired. 

            Pondering this, Remus eventually fell asleep. His dreams were filled with a wolf and a dog, running together without a worry in the world. 

AN: Please review!


	6. Speaking to the Headmaster

            AN: Thanks to all who reviewed! 

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

Chapter 6: Speaking to the Headmaster

            Remus was relieved to have been let out of the hospital wing a few days later. He liked to spend the least amount of time there as possible after his transformations. Sirius's behavior was back to normal after his silence in the hospital wing, though he was still acting oddly formal. 

            Remus woke about a week later to terrible news. The morning started normal enough. He went down to the Great Hall with his three friends feeling tired, but cheery. And then the Daily Prophet had come. 

            Voldemort's Death Eaters had attacked a daycare center located near the Ministry. Many of the Ministry Employees dropped their children off there. The Death Eaters' motive was thought to be 'to trigger fear throughout our community and certainly for their own enjoyment,' one wizard had been quoted as saying. 

            A few students rushed from the Great Hall as soon as they heard the news. No doubt they had younger brothers or sisters who attended the daycare center on a regular basis. Remus cursed softly under his breath. 

            "A goddamn daycare center," Sirius said; his rage plainly visible on his face. "What the hell is wrong with those people?" 

            James contented himself with shaking his head. Peter looked frightened.

            "The attacks are getting more frequent," James muttered after a few minutes. "Voldemort is getting stronger."

            None of them flinched at the sound of the name. Sirius had always said it, never wanting to be scared of saying a name. James had begun to call Voldemort by his name at the end of fifth year. Remus still preferred You-Know-Who, as did Peter. There were some habits that were hard to grow out of. 

            "You don't really think that, do you Prongs?" Peter whispered. "He can't be getting that strong. The Ministry…and Dumbledore-"

            "Can't you see their faces?" James said harshly, indicating to the staff table. "They're just as scared as their students. They don't know what's going to happen. Dumbledore's trying his best, but things don't seem to be going well." 

            Remus stared at the teachers eating at the staff table. Indeed, they did all seem to have morose looks of hopelessness on their faces. Remus had always liked to believe that the authorities could right any wrong, but he didn't kid himself now. Even Dumbledore didn't know what to do. 

            "I just wish there was something we could do," Sirius said absentmindedly, picking sullenly at his food. 

            They were quiet for a moment and then James spoke. "Maybe there is." And with those words he got up from the Gryffindor table, his eyes on someone exiting the hall. 

            Remus, Sirius, and Peter followed him, clueless as to what their friend had come up with. They followed the person who had left the Great Hall before them. 

            James called out, "Headmaster!" 

            It was Dumbledore. 

            He turned around and tried to muster a smile for their sake. He brought a hand down to his silver beard and stroked it absentmindedly. His eyes held none of their usual sparkle. They looked oddly empty. 

            "Yes, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked. 

            "I-," James began, "I mean we…we wish to talk to you. In your office if you've got a minute." 

            Dumbledore nodded and they set off for his office. Remus, Sirius, and Peter still had no idea what James' was up to. They looked at each other questioningly and followed James and Dumbledore.

            They arrived at Dumbledore's office. Remus had been there many times before. He was not as impressed as Peter who seemed enchanted by all of the interesting gadgets all around the room. Dumbledore gestured to two chairs sitting in front of his desk and then conjured two more with a flick of his wand. 

            They sat down; Remus, Peter, and Sirius waited for James to begin. 

            "Professor Dumbledore, did you see the Daily Prophet today?" James asked, though he had to know the answer. 

            Dumbledore nodded gravely. "Unfortunately, yes I did."

            "I'm sick of sitting here, waiting for news everyday," James said anxiously. "I'm sick of doing nothing while people die. I'm sick of sitting in the Great Hall reading newspapers about deaths that happened while I was in class…or sleeping! I want to help!" He finished with a shout. 

            The other three friends stared at James. His face was red and he was breathing heavily. Remus had never seen him this angry or upset. 

            "Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said with a frustrated look on his face, "You're still in school. I don't think you should-"

            "Those two Ravenclaws who died by Voldemort's hand…they were still in school," James muttered, his voice trembling with either rage or sadness; Remus couldn't tell. "We're involved in this war whether we like it or not," he finished. 

            Dumbledore stared at him for what seemed like hours. In reality it was probably only a few minutes. The old man seemed to be considering James' words. 

            "Tell us how to help," Sirius said, shattering the silence that had filled the room. 

            "Yes, please," Remus heard his own voice say. Peter nodded weakly. 

            Dumbledore sighed ad removed his half-moon glasses. He rubbed his eyes and for the first time, Remus noticed how exhausted the Headmaster looked. 

            "Have you ever heard of the Order of the Phoenix?" Dumbledore asked them. 

            They all shook their heads. 

            "Good," Dumbledore said, "Because it's a secret organization that is against Voldemort and everything he stands for. When Voldemort first began to gather supporters and attack, the Ministry stood by and watched. The Order was created to fight against Voldemort before he could reach the level of power he has now. Now, obviously, the Ministry is supporting the fight against Voldemort so there really is no need for The Order to be secret." 

            "So why do you keep it secret?" Sirius asked. 

            "Are we going to be inducted into The Order?" James questioned eagerly. 

            Dumbledore held up a hand to silence them. "You will not be joining The Order," he said firmly. "However, I may allow you to perform small tasks for it." James looked a bit crestfallen. 

            "As for why it is still kept secret," Dumbledore said, "The time may come when The Order needs to be called upon again and I wouldn't want an opposing force to know of its existence. There are also many leaks and spies in the Ministry; best just to keep the information under wraps." 

            Sirius nodded in understanding. "Why can't we join?" 

            Dumbledore frowned. "You are still in school and I do not wish to have my pupils aid in this fight. Perhaps when you are out of Hogwarts, and this war is still going on…" 

            Sirius nodded again, but seemed dissatisfied with Dumbledore's answer. 

            James stated, "Age doesn't stop Voldemort from attacking us, so why should it stop us from attacking him?" 

            _That was a fair point, Remus thought. He looked at Dumbledore, awaiting an answer. _

            "It is true that Voldemort does not mind harming students. However, it is my wish and the wish of many others in the The Order that we try to keep students out of the fight as much as possible. We do not want you or your peers to grow up worrying about attacks and deaths that you shouldn't be worrying about. By all means, continue to be aware of Voldemort's threat and pay close attention in your Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, but do not let Voldemort consume your young life."

            James still looked angry. He kicked Dumbledore's desk. "It's not fair," he muttered. 

            Dumbledore sighed. "As you add years onto your life, you will find that life only becomes less fair. It is yet another thing that you must understand as you progress into adulthood." 

            James stood up. The other three followed suit. "Thank you, Headmaster," he said. "Do you have anything we can do, at all?" 

            "Not yet," Dumbledore said, "but you must always be listening. The Death Eaters have children here as well and they may very well be talking. Pay close attention. I have trusted you with a valuable secret. Do not make me regret it." He smiled as they exited his office. 

            Remus trailed along behind his friends, lost in his own thoughts. He wished there was something else they could do for The Order, other than listening (which seemed to Remus to be Dumbledore's way of getting them off of his back). If only Dumbledore had let them join the organization. Then maybe he could make a difference in the war instead of reading the newspaper and feeling sorry for all the people who paid their lives to Voldemort. 

            Sirius wore a frustrated look on his face. His thoughts were probably similar to the ones Remus was thinking now. Sirius met his gaze and they stared at each other for a long moment.

            Suddenly Remus forgot about the world's problems and remembered his own.

AN: Please review!


	7. Frustrated Feelings

AN: Sorry this took so long. I've been really busy with work and school. Hopefully I can update this more frequently within the next few weeks. Thanks for the reviews!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 7: Frustrated Feelings

            Remus watched Sirius absentmindedly as he listened to Professor McGonagall lecture about self-transfiguration. Sirius was sitting back in his chair, his dark hair hung elegantly in his eyes. Remus shook his head as he realized what he was doing. 

            "Mr. Lupin, kindly keep your wandering eyes to the front of the classroom. I thought I made it clear that it was very important to learn as much as you can about self-transfiguration. It's a very difficult process," Professor McGonagall said harshly, glaring at him. 

            Remus blushed. He hoped Sirius hadn't noticed him staring. It had been over a week since he had realized that his feelings for Sirius were more than just mere friendship. He had tried to suppress them and keep busy so he would not dwell on them, but it seemed that his thoughts always traveled back to his friend. 

            After class, James approached him. "What's up Moony? You seem kind of down." 

            "Nothing," Remus said a little too quickly. "I'm just tired."

            James raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Sirius and Peter joined them a second later. 

            "Stop," Sirius growled a minute later as they were walking back to the Gryffindor Common Room. "Look, it's Snivellus." 

            James looked to his right and smiled. "We haven't seen Ol' Snivelly at all this term." 

            Remus sighed, but none of his friends noticed. James and Sirius often went after Severus Snape. Remus didn't' know why. Sirius and James had hated Snape since the first train ride to Hogwarts. Remus didn't even remember Snape doing anything to them. He had always been so quiet. But Sirius and James hated him because he was into the Dark Arts. Remus didn't like him much either, but still didn't see a reason to torture the boy. 

            "Hey! Hey Snivellus!" Sirius called out. 

            Snape swiveled around. His eyes widened when he saw James pointing his wand at him. Snape pulled his own wand out of his pocket, but it was too late. 

            "_Wingardium Leviosa!" James called out. Snape dropped his wand as he flew into the air. _

            Remus bit his lip. _Say something_, he urged himself. But he couldn't do it. James and Sirius were his friends. He couldn't tell them to stop. Besides he wasn't responsible for their actions anyway. 

            And then something his father had always told him floated into his head; _if _you don't stop it, then you're a part of it_. Remus shook his head. He couldn't say anything…they wouldn't listen to him anyway. _

            Remus glanced at Peter. He was snickering as he watched James begin to spin Snape around in the air. 

            Remus shut his eyes. He couldn't watch. 

            "James Potter! Sirius Black! What are you doing?"  It was Professor Borgen, their Astronomy teacher. 

            Remus sighed with relief. She would stop it and he wouldn't have to say a word. James took his wand down and Snape fell down painfully. 

            "Detention, both of you! And we're going to see your Head of House!" She turned around and motioned them to follow her. Sirius and James grinned at each other. They never cared when they got in trouble. Remus wished it would have some effect on them. 

            Remus and Peter headed back to the Common Room. Remus was too busy thinking about how stupid James and Sirius could act to engage in much conversation.  

            James and Sirius returned to the Common Room fifteen minutes later, laughing, as usual. Only this time, Remus wasn't as pleased to see their laughter. 

            "What did you get?" Peter asked, grinning. 

            "Twenty points and two detentions each," Sirius said. He gave James a high-five. "And James got an extra lecture because he's Head Boy!" Sirius added. 

            "Shut up," James muttered and gave Sirius a playful shove. 

            Remus went back to his homework. He never understood it. They broke the rules more than anybody and they always got off with the easiest punishments. 

            _You never mind when they break the rules for you, Remus thought. He shook his head. _That was different_. _

            "I'm starving. Do you want to go down to dinner?" Peter asked them all. 

            Everyone nodded and agreed that was a fine idea. They walked down to the Great Hall. Remus hadn't realized he was hungry until he was shoveling steak and potatoes in his mouth. 

            "We have to get Snivellus good this year," Sirius said with a smile. 

            Remus glanced at James and was pleased to see that he looked a bit apprehensive. He ran a hand through his already untidy hair and finally spoke. "I don't know, Sirius. I don't mind teaching him a bit of a lesson, but…"

            He trailed off looking uncomfortable and Remus knew he was thinking of the prank. It had been James who had risked his own life to make up for Sirius's blunder. The incident seemed to have a sobering effect on James' attitude. He no longer hexed anyone who talked to him and he was a lot less…conceited. He still made time to torture Snape, of course. 

            Sirius shrugged and there was an awkward pause in the conversation. Remus's thoughts began to travel back to the night of the prank. He remembered it being cold, unusually cold. Remus shivered.

            He shook his head. It would not do to dwell on echoes of the past. No, it was better to look to the future. Remus glanced at Sirius and gave a dejected sigh. 

            "What's up?" Sirius asked with a grin, eager to break the silence that had descended upon them. 

            Remus's eyes widened. Had he sighed that loud? "N-Nothing," he muttered. 

            Sirius gave him an odd look and went back to his food. 

            James stood up and stretched. "Well, first Quidditch practice of the season tonight. Oh, and by the way, I've been made captain." He gave them an arrogant grin and walked off to get his broomstick.

            _Okay so maybe he hasn't lost all of his pride, Remus thought to himself, _but he has certainly improved_. _

            Remus, Peter, and Sirius walked back to the dormitories in silence. Sirius seemed to be lost in thought. When they reached the Common Room, Sirius and Peter started playing a game of Chess while Remus watched.  

            Remus enjoyed watching them play. Peter had always been very good. While lacking the knowledge to excel in his classes, he was ruthless with his chess pieces. It was an odd side to the boy. Remus was always fascinated by how different his chess persona was. 

            Three games later, Sirius declared that he was tired of losing and was going to bed early. James had still not returned. Remus followed Sirius up the steps to the boys' dormitories. He wasn't sure why he was going to bed. He wasn't particularly tired. They had both gotten into their pajamas when Remus spoke. 

            "Why do you give Snape a hard time?" The words were out of Remus's mouth before he could stop them. Remus cursed himself in his head. He didn't like confrontations. 

            Sirius stared at him for a second before replying. "Do you know what it's like to see a person like Snivellus walking around here when you have a family like mine?" he asked, anger apparent in his voice. 

            Remus shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "I know it's hard…but is it worth getting in trouble for?" Remus hesitated before saying, "Is it worth damaging your character?" 

            "What do you mean?" Sirius asked sharply. 

            "It's just…well…you're a great person," Remus blushed. "And well…Snape isn't. Every time you do something to him, you're just sinking to his level."

            Sirius stepped closer to Remus and his anger seemed to fade away. "Maybe so," he said softly. "But I can't watch that slimeball walk around, knowing he knows all those dark curses…he's everything I stand against. Do you realize that? He's what I would have become if I hadn't realized that things were….wrong." He was panting heavily, his emotions overwhelming him. 

            Remus was strongly reminded of the argument they had had not so long about Sirius opening up and talking about what was bothering him. It seemed like whenever they got into a disagreement, emotions were always running high. "But you did realize what's wrong!" Remus shouted. He stepped closer to Sirius and grabbed his friend by the shoulders. "Snape is what you _would_ have become, not what you are. Let him walk down the wrong path. I care about you too much to watch you do stupid things for the sake of Snape." 

            Remus stared into Sirius' dark eyes and was surprised to see that he was staring back. Before he knew it their lips met in a soft kiss. 

AN: Please review!


	8. Discoveries

            AN: This is shorter than the other chapters, but I thought it stood by itself. I'll try to update soon! Thanks for the reviews!

            Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 8: Discoveries

            Remus was barely aware that he was moving as he tore himself away from Sirius and rushed down the stairs, through the common room, and out of Gryffindor Tower. He ignored James' and Peter's inquiries, only thinking about getting away. He was, however, very conscious of the fact that his heart was beating so loud that the whole castle could probably hear it. 

            Remus didn't even know where he was running. The only thing he knew was that he had to get away from Sirius. What did Sirius think of him now? Remus could hardly bare to think of the embarrassment he had just thrust upon himself. 

            It had been hard enough enduring the constant struggle in his own head about being attracted to Sirius, but now he would have to face it head on. He suddenly found himself sprinting out of the castle and onto the damp grounds. Rain was falling from the sky in buckets, but Remus didn't care. He was just thankful that he hadn't met any teachers on his way out. 

            Remus stopped to catch his breath and pushed his sopping wet hair out of his eyes. Numb shock had overcome him when he had kissed Sirius, but now he had time to ponder what he had just done. How could he have been so stupid? He sighed and sank to his knees. Would Sirius ever speak to him again? Would their friendship ever be the same? Remus doubted it very much. 

            And as his anger began to fade into a dreary realization that Sirius would probably never want to look at him again, Remus began to play the kiss over in his mind. What scared him the most was how much he had enjoyed it. It was such a simple gesture; two people expressing affection in such a regular way (or perhaps one-sided in this case), and yet he knew his life would never be the same. 

            What if Sirius told James and Peter? What if he lost all of his friends? The rational part of Remus's mind told him that Sirius wouldn't tell anyone. It was probably rather embarrassing for him too. He imagined Sirius trying to tell James and Peter about what happened and began to feel nauseated. 

            Remus shivered. His senses seemed to come back to him in full force as he realized that he was sitting on the muddy ground while a storm raged on around him. He sighed and tried to tell himself that everything would work out in the end, but panic seized him again as he stood up to return to the castle. 

            How could he go in there, look at Sirius, and pretend nothing happened? Remus stared into the Forbidden Forest, part of him wishing the trees would swallow him up. 

            "Hey," a soft voice said behind him. 

            Remus swiveled around. It was Sirius. Remus tried to greet him in return, but his voice didn't seem to be working correctly. The only thing that came out was an odd grunting noise. _Sirius coming out here has to be a good sign_, Remus thought. At least he was talking to him.

            "About what just happened-" Sirius began, but Remus cut him off. 

            "Sirius you have to understand," Remus pleaded. "I wasn't thinking. I just spaced out for a second and the next thing I knew…please don't let this ruin our friendship." 

            Sirius did not meet his eyes, but continued to stare at his own mud-caked boots. "So, it was a mistake?"

            Remus breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes, yes…it didn't mean anything. I just let my emotions get control of me." 

            Sirius finally looked up at him. "What do you mean by that?" 

            Remus paused. He had dug himself in a hole. How could he explain that his actions were products of his emotions without telling Sirius about his feelings? "I was just feeling…scared for you, worried about you," Remus said finally. 

            Sirius nodded. "So what happened up there…it meant nothing to you?" 

            Remus hesitated. It had meant something to him, but he didn't know if he could admit that to Sirius. He decided to stop analyzing his words. "It did mean something to me…I just know it didn't mean anything to you." 

            Sirius stared at him for a long moment. "How do you know?" 

            Remus's heart stopped. Was he saying…"Did it mean something to you?" 

            Sirius stepped closer to him. Remus could feel the other boy's ragged breathing on his face. And then Sirius did what Remus least expected. 

            He kissed him. 

            It was nothing like the soft, timid kiss that Remus had given him less than an hour ago. It was rough and wild, like Sirius. Remus stopped thinking about the repercussions of his actions and let his emotions take over. They didn't stop to breath as they kissed, both wanting it too much to think about parting. Sirius pulled Remus closer. Remus let out a soft moan, finally letting his feelings run amok. He had been suppressing them for so long. 

            After a few minutes, they separated. They stared at each for a minute before Sirius broke the silence with a laugh. "Do you think it meant something to me?" 

            Remus could only respond with a nod. He was too amazed, too shocked. How could Sirius like him? They headed back to the castle without speaking. Remus was too busy trying to process what had just happened to make conversation. 

            Finally, he broke the silence. "Where did you tell James and Peter I had gone?" Remus asked. 

            "Oh, I just told them that you felt like you were going to be sick and went to the Hospital Wing," Sirius stated with a grin. 

            "Good one," Remus said.

            They reached the common room, both in high spirits. As they walked through the Portrait hole, James came rushing up to them, Peter trailing behind him. James looked too shocked to speak. 

            Peter seemed terrified as well, but he managed a few words. "It's the Dementors. Voldemort's taken them out of Azkaban." 

AN: Please Review!


	9. Putting the Fear Aside

AN: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I really appreciate your feedback. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 9: Putting the Fear Aside

            "What?" Remus asked. How could that happen? He thought of hundreds of Dementors running around unchecked and suddenly felt nauseated. 

            Peter nodded. "McGonagall just came and told us. She said that it would probably be in the Prophet tomorrow, but Dumbledore wanted us to know now."

            James looked oddly pale. "I can't believe this," he muttered, still recovering from the news himself. "Voldemort was frightening enough by himself, but with those Dementors…" 

            Remus shivered. He remembered the feelings the Dementors caused. They had studied them in Defense Against the Dark Arts last year. He had felt like he would never be cheerful again. And then there had been the visions…it was almost too horrible to think about. He recalled Professor Ward lecturing to them about the Dementor's Kiss. Remus knew one thing: he would rather die than live soulless. 

            "How the hell did Voldemort just run in there and set them loose?" Sirius asked harshly. 

            "We weren't given details," James said. "My father always talked about how the Dementors were never loyal to the Ministry. Maybe Voldemort or his followers just talked them into it." 

            Remus shrugged. He didn't particularly care at the moment how they had been released. He was still dealing with the thought that those horrid, filthy creatures were now in the hands of a wizard like Voldemort. 

            Sirius went over to one the couches in front of the fireplace and buried his head in his hands. Remus knew he was thinking about his family and whether they were involved with the breakout of the Dementors. Sirius was always wondering if his family was involved in the latest Death Eater activity. 

            Remus went over and sat beside him, resisting the urge to put a comforting arm around his shoulder. "Hey," he whispered softly into his ear. "It's going to be okay."

            Sirius shrugged. He didn't seem to be up to talking. James and Peter sat in the squashy chairs across from the couch. The common room was empty accept for the four of them. It was odd, sitting there without laughing or joking. It wasn't normal….sitting in silence. Remus hoped it wouldn't happen too often. 

            After awhile, Peter went up to bed. He muttered something about how they needed to try and get rest. Remus didn't think he would sleep much tonight. Besides, Sirius looked a wreck and Remus didn't like the idea of leaving him alone down here to stew in his thoughts. 

            It was a little under an hour when James yawned, stretched, and declared that he was too tired to stay awake any longer. "You coming, Padfoot? Moony?"

            Sirius shook his head and Remus followed suit. As James headed up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, what had happened earlier that evening had floated back into Remus's thoughts. For a second, he felt guilty being happy while others around him were hurting. But then he decided that they would all have to keep living. They couldn't let Voldemort succeed in making their lives hell even when he wasn't near. They would have to endure and live their lives. 

            Remus smiled grimly. It was almost ironic that something so good could happen amidst everything that was so wrong. He glanced at Sirius. He was curled up against the side of the couch, one hand hanging off the side. His dark hair was a mess, looking more like James' unruly mop, than his own usually elegant style. Sirius was breathing softly. Remus grinned at the prone figure of his friend. He grabbed a crimson and gold blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over Sirius who instinctively reached for the covers and pulled them closer to him.

            Remus gave one last look to the sleeping Sirius before turning around to head to the boys' dormitory. "Wait," someone said softly. 

            Remus wheeled around. Sirius was awake, though he looked half-asleep. "What is it?" Remus asked. 

            "Come sit here," Sirius said, sitting up and patting the seat next to him. Remus sat down and looked at Sirius thoughtfully. "I really don't want to talk about Voldemort and Dementors and Death Eaters. We can't let that dictate our lives."

            Remus nodded. He had been thinking the same thing hours before. 

            "And…well," Sirius began again. "I-don't-want-to-wait-for-us-any-longer," Sirius said in one breath. 

            "What?" Remus asked. He hadn't quite caught all that.

            Sirius sighed and looked down at his hands. "I said I don't want to wait any longer for us." 

            Remus felt happier than he had felt in a long time. What had he done to deserve this? Why was such good fortune coming to him now? "Maybe Voldemort shouldn't control our lives," Remus said softly. "But these times have taught me one thing. You can't count on tomorrow to do something. You have to do it now...because there might not be a tomorrow." 

            Remus looked up into Sirius's dark eyes. He wasn't sure who leaned in first, but the next thing he knew their lips had met in a soft kiss. At first, they were rather timid, but as the minutes passed, Remus began to feel a bit more adventurous. Sirius kissed him rougher before and Remus parted his lips with his tongue. Remus's heart was pounding so fast he was sure it was about to jump out of his chest. Sirius's tongue flicked in and out of his mouth and Remus heard himself moan softly. Where there had been contentment only moments before, there was now a strange sense of longing for something more. 

            Soon, the two boys parted. They took a minute to catch their breath. Sirius grinned at him and then yawned. "Well we better get to bed," he said. 

            "Yeah, I suppose," Remus muttered. "But I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight." 

            "Me neither," Sirius said, stretching. "We have to try though. I don't want to hear Ferris griping about us not paying attention." 

            Remus groaned in irritation. Professor Ferris was their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It seemed like they had a new one every year. Remus didn't hate the subject; on the other hand, he rather enjoyed the class. He felt like he was learning something useful. But Professor Ferris hated the four Marauders. Sirius and James always acted clueless as to why, but Remus had a sneaking suspicion that she didn't particularly like James' and Sirius's arrogant attitudes. She had caught them hexing other students numerous times and she had always been furious when they got off with easy punishments. She often took it upon herself to take points from Gryffindor when Sirius flipped the page of his book too loudly or when James sneezed in the middle of class so she could compensate for the lax punishments they received when they made real trouble. Remus could only assume that she disliked him and Peter because they associated with the two students she hated the most. 

            The two boys headed up the steps in silence. As they changed into their pajamas, Remus resisted the urge to look at Sirius's half-clad body. He had seen the other boy change many times, but somehow it felt different now. He blushed at the thought and quickly got into to bed to conceal his beet red face. 

            "Goodnight," Sirius said quietly. 

            "G'night," Remus whispered with a yawn. He fell asleep quickly, but his dreams were rather unpleasant and kept him up half the night. He dreamed that his friends had all been killed and it was his fault. Remus knew the vision quite well. He had seen it many times last year when practicing against the Dementors and now it came back to him in full force. He tried to think of Sirius instead and soon he had drifted into a dreamless slumber.

AN: Please review!


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